Life can often times be so agonizing that we lose our positivity and become the antonym of caring. This year has been anomalous for me in every way. From the tragic murder of my youngest uncle to numerous legal battles, there is no ardor in me. When an army of rocks attack you, you feel defenseless. And we feel defenseless because although we fight back, we still lose. Truth is, we're supposed to lose. We're supposed to feel astray and unsure; Astray from our pride and unsure of what's next to come. Realistically, what makes life so agonizing is that it's not predictable by the stars. We won't ever know what's in the future for us. In perspective, it could be wealth, death or even royalty. Although it's unfair, we won't know what's our destiny until it happens. The events that have transpired this year are heartbreaking. As much as I wish I could've prevented much of them from occurring, there was nothing that I could've done to assure they didn't avenge my heart. Not only did they avenge my heart, but my belief.
Ever since the passing of my uncle--Jay Curry--the backwoods have endured my tears, guilt and sorrow. Uncle Jay was one of three best men that I know. Although life itself and some people in his life averted him, he always found a way. The way to my family's events, our individual celebrations and to the way of our, hearts. And when a person is in your heart, it will forever be that way. Admirably, the passion, selfishness and perseverance that I attribute today is completely aspired from him. He was such a great person and people abused that. Per say, being persistence cause us to be manipulated, disrespected and torn apart by the people and things that use our heart to degrade us. Even when we realize that people are treating us wrong, we hesitate to react because we believe in our will too much. As great of people we may be, the reality is good people get no love in return. For good people the saying, "Get what you put in," isn't granted to us.
That isn't fair.
Uncle Jay was always there and I miss him being so. Although he's gone, he left apart of himself in me. I'm ever grateful for him loving me for who I am. I'll always cherish his support in all the great things that he's seen me accomplish. I must keep striding ahead, because that's who he was: A warrior. We complain about so many things in life, but what happens when we no longer have our life? We begin to realize the truth: the big things, weren't so big after all. Writing this, I had to pause numerous times because it's emotional. There's not one day that goes by that I don't think about him, the memories of him, or the lessons by him. Missing him is an understatement of how empty I feel. He's forever in my heart, and will be forever.
R.I.P Uncle Jay.