They always say “you never know what you had until its gone,” but in reality that's not always true. Sometimes we find ourselves falling in love with a person for the wrong reasons; for say money or
for sexual affairs. Although, neither of the two are permanent or will matter down the road. The components that matter can include honesty, trust, commitment, loyalty and understanding. Those are just some of the components that establish a relationship and maintain a foundation—not money, material things or sex. Just think: if it's short-term, what advantage or benefit does it give you long-term?
Further said, honesty must be mutually practiced. If your lover has to hide some of his actions behind your back, that's not honesty. If your lover only tells you things IF you ask, is not honesty. I'm a true believer of what's done in the dark will eventually come to light. And many times the truth is forefront of our eyes but we still ignore it. Why? It's difficult to accept the truth and feel like you're not worth being
told the truth to. Basically, honesty is the root of trust. Without trust, you are fighting for a relationship that won't last or simply just short-term.
Ask most people today if their ready to settle down and the answer may be somewhat close to, “I have so much going on right now.” As shady as that sounds, there are some people that aren't suited for a relationship. Also, there are people that have personal issues that must be confronted before anything. In contrary, I believe that if a person say they love you, and want you to be their for them long-term, they have to give you what you deserve—THE commitment. Everyday we just don't fall in love with just a random person. Undoubtedly it takes a special person to win your heart.
Showing appreciation to someone you love is not difficult. It's just one of those things that you have to want to do, to do it. When it comes to love I take no excuses. You either can show me that you love me or you don't. As you can notice I didn't say “can't”. A person who complains that it's hard to show you how much they love you is phony. Keep it real, when you LOVE a person, won't you do anything for him/her? The big misconception is that appreciation can only be shown through material things—that's false! The easiest way to show how you feel or what you believe in is through your actions.
The bottom line is sometimes you are better off by yourself. If a person cannot appreciate your self worth, you can do better. If a person complains or make excuses of why they can't show you what they talk, you can do better. If you're giving more than the person, you can do better. If you're not being recognized for being by the person's side through the thick and thin, you CAN DO BETTER. The move is yours to take.
It's NEVER easy accepting the betrayal of someone you love. I tell people all the time that no matter how hard you try to avoid pain, it will always find a way to you. Whether you are a good person or the opposite of one, pain is just a part of our lives. Pain is so difficult to deal with because the effects are everlasting. If you can relate, pain have caused me to resent everything and everyone. It's like anytime you are hurt, you hate the world for it; Even though the world has nothing to do with the situation. That's not fair to the world or specifically your friends and family that actually care and love you, but resentment cause uncontrollable side effects.
I think what many of us fail to realize is that when we give our heart to someone, we risk ourselves to heartbreak. We fail to realize our own weaknesses when it comes to dealing with people in general. Also, we fail to realize that all great things have to come to an end, eventually. I think it's fair to say that it's unfair to resent giving your ex-lover a second chance. It's unfair to resent loaning a person who you knew wasn't your friend money. It's unfair to resent leaving the person who you loved, but was no good for you. Truthfully, we are all guilty of unfair resentment. The only way to learn is to live! The pain that we experience in our life will only make us stronger mentally, emotionally and wiser.
Live your life, but also learn from your life.
Like previously mentioned, pain is an component of your life that you can't run from. At some point in your life, you will experience heartbreak and other unfortunate events. The pain inflicted by those events will not be easy to deal with and confusing to understand, but just know you will be okay. Through the negativity of pain, there are lessons to be learned. It's up to you whether or not you take those lessons as your opportunities to grow; becoming stronger and wiser. You are human so of course you're going to take risks and make negligent choices, which is why resentment towards anyone or anything in your life is unfair.
The way I see it, you be completely aware of what you're getting into beforehand.
Remember Friedrich Nietzsche's quote, "I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain,
torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage,"? The advantage of pain cannot be foreseen. Your will to be resilient and not be a broken-hearted person surely will play out on its own (in your favor). In conclusion, our mistakes are to blame for some of the pain we endure but equally we are not. You nor I can make a person be loyal, honest and dependable for us like we are for them. At the end of the day, we have to be resilient and not allow pain to change who we are or what we want from life.
What's under my skin is so torn.
No one will ever know, unless I tell them.
I smile and laugh all the time, so people figure I am all good...
even though I am not.
For so long I've tried to keep my torn skin hidden,
but now it's starting to show my life struggles.
I always tried to hide them because it help me forget them...
or at least I thought.
I just wish my life struggles would end,
but as of now it seems their just beginning.
I wrote this April 17, 2010. This piece is short, but powerful in context. The struggles that you face in life cannot be run from, even if you try to. The more you allow yourself to struggle, the more your skin will tear. Let me tell you from experience, it's not worth it.
Does anyone else feel they need a break from the stress of life? If you do, then please free to vent in this blog with me.
Lately, I have been going through so many obstacles. I think the time-frame between each obstacles range from seven to fourteen days. That's terrible right? You're probably asking what the hell do I be doing wrong to be going through so much hardship. The funny thing is I asked myself the same question fifty million times already and still haven't found an answer. I do have a guess—bad luck. Aha! Maybe I'm paying for all the times I urinated in my underwear as a child? If that's the case, these dark days are not over... I'm just saying.
Like previously mentioned, life is very stressful, frustrating... and any other word that describes the pain that life takes you and I through. I don't know about you but I wonder why me and think about what mistakes I've made to be at such frequent points of hardship. Sometimes I find the answer, but at other times there is no fault on my behalf. In clearer terms, we cannot control the outcome of every event that happens in our lifetime—we just can't—and knowing that can hurt to an extent. If you strive to be the best person that you can be, you will get frustrated when you learn that you have failed at being your “best”.
Striving to be your best is your most effective bet to live a great life. Even though I say that, don't expect to live an mistake-free life. It's impossible and if you think you can, you're delusional... I'm just saying. Please do not stress yourself out by attempting to being perfect! For me, whenever I make a mistake I see it as another opportunity to learn. And so should you, because mistakes are simply hands-on life lessons. All you have to do is remember the phrase, “You live and you learn.” I must admit that when you are so focused on living, you tend to become careless about other important aspects of your life, including your job. Highlight my words: Get and live your life but don't be dumb.
Through all of the positivity, I still need a break from life. At some point in your life you will a point where you are emotionally and mentally drained. Everyday you (dreadfully) wake-up to provide for yourself, but constantly have to worry about how you're going to get this and that fix. There is no doubt that there is a struggle to be lived, but I refuse to live it. My friend, you will go through a struggle at least once in your life—Don't let it overpower you—Fight through it and you will win! The struggle is no joke, or life. It's best to do what's essential and complain about it later (in private).
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HEY! It's been awhile since I've posted but you should know that I miss you!
In the past month I've been focused on one of my own lessons: Live for me. The feeling to do so is not even explainable, but I can say that it has been great! Not only have I learned more about myself, but I learned a few life lessons that I think you may can use in your life: ONE - Know what you want
If you don't know what you want in life (or from life), good things will come in your life and you will be so clueless about how those things can benefit you. I'm sure you're probably thinking hard now, but from this point forward just keep your eyes and ears open. Wouldn't you hate to miss out on the one you've been waiting for? TWO -Take Risks
It's undeniable that risks and us (people) are meant to be together. Without taking risks, would success even exist? (No sir!) Once you discover what you want in life, go get it and take risks if that's what it will take to get what you desire. However, be smart with the risks you take and you will be okay.
THREE - Loosen Up
Being serious everyday, all day... I am so guilty! It's my mentality, so I must be consistent with it. If one day I act careless, and the next day I act serious would you take me serious? (Probably not!) I am Keandre' Curry and I'm about business, but I in order to live life I have to loosen up and just have fun. Not too much, but just enough.
FOUR - Let people know how you feel
We sometimes are afraid to tell others how we feel because we love to maintain the peace. There's nothing wrong with that, except it sustain problems. Continuing to ignore problems will keep the air dirty. If you feel a certain way about something, let it be known. No more biting your tongue. Let the world have it... yeah I said it!
FIVE - Live for you
Live for you not her, or him, or them.
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Credit: Hanna / morgueFile.com
Happiness is vital to your well-being. Answer this: If you aren't happy, what is there to live for? The ideal is nothing. You desire happiness and undoubtedly deserve to be happy. To ensure you are happy in life, there are five effective ways to ensure you life a happy life.
Be Who You Are
Society may not understand you or your story, but life isn't about living to the standard of other peoples. Life is about you; living to your own standard. At the end of the
day, you are who you are and truly no person on this Earth will be able to change that (except for you). By being yourself, you will face rebellion and denial from people who don't accept or understand you, but that is okay. Take my words: If a person is authentic like they act to be, they will honor you for being so.
Stay True to Your Passion
It's what you enjoy to do, so stay true to your passion. Never abandon your passion for money.
If you can make money with your passion! If you love to write, become a author or speech writer. If you love to empower others, be a youth counselor or public speaker. The point is that you will be so much happier in life if you are doing activity that you love. It doesn't make sense to be working at a company that disgust you. It also doesn't make sense to settle for “whatever”.
Omit Negativity From Your Life
If you're old enough to read this post, then act like you are. Negativity is not good for anybody, whether it began because of you or not. Just stay away from negativity! That includes changing your social circle and work on improving your character. In all honesty, if you allow the words to move you, then you are insecure. You are who you are and it's only right that you have confidence in who you are you! Stop worrying about what's the latest gossip and focus on achieving better for yourself.
Experience New Components
Being boring gets old, don't you think? Spice up your life by stepping outside of your confront zone. When you experience all the different foods, activities, customs, and events that occur around you, the purpose of life actually reveals itself. If you want to be happy, go out and experience other components of life. You have nothing to lose.
Don't Neglect Love
If you're one of those people that swear up and down that “relationships aren't for you”, stop
it! Relationships are for you, but you can't see it because you're so focused on everything else, running from commitment, and frolicking with everyone and their in-laws. Let's be clear: Hoeing is not attractive and good in no way. Get rid of your ego and let REAL love in your life. Low-key you dislike being single, but fail to take action to change that. Focus on improving yourself, so you can
be the best partner that you can be. The rest will come in place, so stay calm and let love sweep you off your feet!
Should “family” be redefined?
Yes! The world, “family” should be redefined. The problem that I see today is that even family members are becoming more disconnected, because they lack to communicate and cherish each other. This is why I believe the word, “family”, is starting to become less about kinship. People are beginning to call good friends their “family”, more than their actually kin folk. Is that where our society needs to be? No! So few of us actually understand why families stayed together back in the day, or how they managed to even do it!
Family isn't always the easiest to get along with, but that doesn't mean that you run away from them because you, “don't want to' bother with them”, or you're “fed up with their drama”. Get over it. Ask yourself this: If you didn't have any family, would your life be any better? Would you rather be loved—even if it's tough love—than not be loved at all? It's time to start appreciating the people in your life and stop placing egos in places, where your hearts are supposed to be. Life is so much easier when we stop letting the past bother us. That's easier said than done—Amen! However, the first step to moving forward is leaving all excuses behind you.Being Humble
In a world where people's priorities have changed, you cannot go wrong by pampering yourself. I've found out personally that even though you show appreciation to your family and (true) friends, few will show their appreciation for you. By no way means am I saying that every holiday or celebration I demand gifts; More so, if I kick rocks for them, they should do the same for me. In this economy, I can be selfish about what and who to spend my hard-earned money on. However, I choose to be kind-hearted and grateful for everything that God has blessed for with and disperse that humbleness with those close to me.
Question: Am I wrong for being humble?
If you ask me, I can be as humble as I want to be. With that said have you ever just sat down and reflected on all the things that you have now, that you didn't have growing up? It's a great feeling, am I right? Reflections like that allow us to evaluate ourselves on our personal growth and self-humbleness towards not just material things, but life itself. At the end of the day you have to be humble with your success and not get big-headed. You came from the bottom, so why would you want to go back? If you answered logically to that question, there is no positive reason to go back. Being successful is not a bad thing, but it will become so, if you try to put your ego over the world.
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I've been teased for all sorts of things, including having a big head and even having a low, deep voice. During those times of criticism I didn't know how I should react to the things people said. I just knew that no matter how personal the verbal attacks were, I must continue to walk tall. Thinking back to those days, internally I was devastated because I didn't understand why I was such a target for people to talk about; nor did I understand why people thought I was abnormal compared to them. One would think about being different was good, but obviously it was the other way around to them. On the positive side, I learned one important thing: Be who I am.
People will judge you for being African American, homosexual, nerdy, homophobic, intelligent, and for even being successful. Why is that? For one, we as humans are afraid to accept and learn about things that we don't understand. It's one of those, “If it's not what I believe in, it's not right” type of thing. Life isn't anybody's “my way or the highway”. If one is not willing to learn about lifestyles and religions that they don't understand, then let them live as miserable as they chose to be. Personally, I am a Christian, but that doesn't mean that I dislike Catholics or any person affiliated with another religion. I let people live their life, while I live my own life.
Secondly, the thought of someone being successful and actually achieving their dreams is difficult to swallow (for some people). As mentioned earlier, I let people live their life, while I live my own life. That same sentence can apply to the principle that all people can, and should be successful. The more successful we all are, the better the economy will be; and the greater our lives will be. We have to stop marginalizing people, because we don't understand why they are the way they are, or why they live the way they do. Be real with yourself: It's none of your business how anybody lives their life. Worry about you and you only (unless you have a child and/or have a significant other).
With all of that said, be who you are. There obviously are people, even family and friends that don't understand you, but stay true to you. Yes, at times it will be very challenging. However, you will face darker obstacles than criticism. Hearing people talk about you and refer to you as “different” should be seen as a positive. Being like everybody else is not a requirement. Live your life, which means do what you want to do. If you care about what people jabber, then live that miserable life. All I'm trying to say is that it's wise to stay true to you, even beyond criticism and misunderstanding from others. When people see that their words bother you, they will continue to lower your self-esteem. Pledge to me that you want let that be, because you love who you are.
Three weeks ago I begin talking to someone, which I will call “Gummy worm” throughout this post. Until Monday, everything was perfect. The chemistry between us is amazing and the affection was beyond enjoyable. I just knew I found the one for me! Do I still think that? Yes. However, I feel that I'm vulnerable more than I've ever been. Why? I actually feel for gummy worm. It's one of those things where you notice that you're falling for someone, but is afraid to go further, as the future may not be so sweet as it is now. No, I'm not saying that in three months, we will be over each again, but more so that we may learn things about each that we didn't know
before...Then, our love nest crumble into pieces.
There are people in the society that lie about their age, who their baby daddy is, and even where they went to college. It's to the point where you have to undergo orientation with people who you talk to; Take them to the clinic to get tested for the itch, go get a lie detector test and even take a visit to the psychiatrist office for a session ( a free consultation will work). You can say that I'm exggrating, but you already know how real the thirst is. On a serious note, gummy worm didn't go through orientiation, because I felt in my heart that everything was legit; From the kisses to the words verbally expressed to me and those that weren't (but sent through a text).
See, now I'm caught up in my feelings. Hell (excuse my vocabulary), it's only been three weeks!
What is going on is that I've found someone that is different (in a good way). When you've played the game, been played, and seen
play in progress, it's easy to point out a flexer. I know how easy it is to tell someone something and they believe you. However, I also know that I must recognize the beats that my heart produce. Man, I'm not in love. It's too early to be talking all sentimental. Although, I learned something: everything that you try in your life will place you in a vulnerable position. That includes relationships, new career paths, and changes in your lifestyle. Is that good? There is no right or wrong answer. The benefits could vary for you, from that of
me or others.
I'm all for change...if it's for the a good cause; And relationships are a good cause. Therefore, I have to accept to being vulnerable, with the intention to be able to share my success and life with gummy worm. That's just what it is. The bottom line is that when you really want something, you might have to step out of your comfort zone to get it. If that's the case, just do it (if it's appropriate).